Destiny...??

Curled up in a corner wondering if it will ever end,
Trying to walk with God, yet I keep running into sin.
The thought of quitting becomes my bitter rival,
While the fight for peace of mind is my way of survival.
Dreams become bad memories,
Yet I battle the grief not for me but for my family.
I'm feeling so distant,
Scared to ask, but I could really use some assistance.
The pressure begins to build rapidly,
And I still cant seem to answer why me?
Worry turns into fear,
While I feel my time to leave is so near.
My past haunts my polluted mind,
And I’m still searching for something I will never find.
The rosary around my neck no longer gives me hope,
Dwelling on the pain seems my only remedy to cope.
All alone staring at the white ceilings,
Sometimes staring does nothing, but today it was a wonderful feeling.
Sleeping with pain and dreaming of hate,
I run to meet the blessings yet I always arrive late.
Although silent, my eyes speak scream loudly,
The dream of becoming at peace is becoming cloudy.
Blessed with the pain and cursed with the pressure,
Will my destiny be painful or pleasure?