One Day

One day I will learn to forgive,
One day I will understand what it means to live.
One day a mother’s tears will no longer fall,
One day a kid with polio will be able to stand tall.
One day we will recognize that race is just a color,
One day we will practice safe sex so that your girl wont become an unfit mother.
One day we will celebrate life at its best,
One day we will all be ale to kick back and rest.
One day you will understand my wrath,
One day I will understand the worst is in the past.
One day my friend will no longer be a potential enemy,
One day families won’t consists of hatred and envy.
One day a father can hold his long-lost daughter,
One day a girl can finally reunite with her biological father.
One day you will understand my frame of mind,
One day peace will be just a matter of time.
One day a mother will be proud,
One day when we look up to the sky, there will be no more grey cloud.
One day there will not be a fear of dying,
One day the truth will overcome the centuries of lying.
One day we will all get a taste of glory,
One day the priest will tear when reading my story.
One day a son will get to reunite with his family,
One day I hope that child is me.

All We Know Is The Struggle

As the world turns, the game stays the same,
When despair and anguish hit you look to us to blame.
What you call the “hood” we call home,
What you call unruly behavior we call getting in the zone.
They show us killing and dying on TV,
And the perception is we are animals and this is what we are meant to be.
They put drugs in our homes, and get mad when we try to survive,
Trust me its more to us than money, dope & homicide.
You see a 16 year old kid with a gun on his waist and ask why,
You must understand, where he lives its either ride or die.
Where we are from blessing tend to overlook us,
But you don’t care just another body down ashes to ashes dust to dust.
Its pain down here, mothers’ tears are falling like rain,
Don’t judge our actions until you witnessed our pain.
Are we wrong for living this way?
Environment dictate living and our environment leads us a stray.
Show us a better way to survive,
Understand that most of us are just trying to stay alive.
You preach education, yet its an institution that has been proven biased and not needed to succeed,
You show us rappers, ball players figuring that’s all we need.
We are products of circumstances,
Unlike others, we are rarely allocated a second chance.
All we know is the struggle,
Its why we keep our mind on the hustle.

What Would You Do

They say everything that happens teaches you a lesson,
And every piece of anguish opens up into a blessing.
Love taught hate,
Death taught me fate.
Pain taught me how to write,
And the lack of light taught me how to cope in the night.
I apologize for dark painful thoughts I express to you,
But what else am I suppose to do.
The only way I know how to cope is through this pen,
Forgive me Lord if I discourage many men.
Some people know why they are placed here,
I don’t, which is why I live mostly in fear.
When your days become harder to enjoy the sun,
Darkens comes, and life is no longer fun.
This writing may not motivate you or brighten your day,
But understand I would stop when God has to hear what I have to say.
At mass the priest told me God tests us with pain,
I replied, “He failed to tell me I needed an umbrella for the rain.”
The priest stared into my eyes and asked why are you so angry when you are so blessed,
I told him with teary eyes, “because I cant seem win even at my best.”
The Lord’s messenger cant believe a man who prays as much as me cant win,
Prayer with no faith…will I go to heaven or hell in the end.
Pardon my lack of faith I don’t mean to discourage any of you,
Before you judge me, ask yourself… if you lost it all, what would you do?

Maybe It Was A Mistake

The death of a loved one will have you searching for love in the wrong places,
The vulnerability you obtain will have you trusting the wrong faces.
I remember just last week the priest asked what were my sins,
I told him sacrificing it all trying to win.
He asked how was winning bad,
I replied, “God wouldn’t want to touch what I’m about to grab.”
The life of a man who lost it all and gained peace in hell’s paradise,
Is a story of a man who took a gamble and rolled hell’s dice.
Reciting my fifth Hail Mary, I wonder if the pain will ever go away,
The priest dropped his head when I told him God does not listen to what weak men have to say.
They say dreams come true yet we wall have a plan,
But what if my dream does not agree with my plan?
So I ask myself what am I suppose to do,
When I have worked hard and dreamed big yet I’m stuck with you.
So I stare, I stare into the night,
Thinking to myself, should I even fight.
When nightmares become the usual and darkness become your guiding star,
It becomes logical to think that peace is too far.
God never gives you something you cant handle,
Pressure begins to build in my legs as I look up at the mantle.
Reciting my tenth and final Hail Mary, I wonder has God made a mistake,
Maybe he has given me something I cannot take.

Still Haven't Quit

They say true happiness only comes with death,
Therefore pain is a part of us until our last breath.
At night I stare outside to see the weather change from sun to rain,
As the rain pours, it symbolizes the tears of those in pain.
I wonder will wounds ever heal,
Will peace be something I will ever get to feel?
At mass I just stare at the cross with the rosary in hand,
Debating if I have the strength to be a real man.
The dark thoughts cloud my peaceful dreams,
Wishing that the grief is not as bad as it seems.
My teacher told me my writing seemed too dark and hopeless,
But he doesn’t understand that pain keeps me focused.
As I sit here writing my pain hoping these words give me chance,
I have a date in Hell and anguish is the last dance.
The angles seemed to have ignored my plea,
When all I wanted was to find my way to my destiny.
The grief in life seems to always fall on the one who is not ready,
Yet when the pressure begins to apply the world expects you to hold it steady.
Where the days get colder and the nights get darker,
You begin to feel the pain getting deeper.
Everyone tells me “hit your knees and pray”.
But I spoke to God and he does not want to hear what I have to say.
I guess my teacher was right its all hopeless script,
But I still have yet to quit.

Searching But Can't Find

A lost soul trying to find my place,
I’m crying inside don’t judge by the expression on my face.
The priest heard my plea for help and listened to me confess,
When he looked into my eyes he saw a man whose life is a mess.
The idea of death becomes more plausible when its hard to provide,
During mass the deacon said it will go away but I see he lied.
Do you think God protects the weak or does he let life eat them alive,
I’m asking because I’m not feeling to strong so I don’t know if I will survive.
The nights I have sat up and stared into the night,
Asking myself, do I quit or try and put up a fight.
But the fight in me has left,
I still haven’t found my way since my parents death.
I continue to search to find the love to fill that emptiness,
But I’m beginning to think that my life will no longer consist of happiness.
I’m down and out, out for the count, cant take no more,
The say when one door closes more open but I think I trapped behind the closed door.
Pressure breaks pipes and stress breaks down a man,
If he loves me, God will send me an angel to lend me a hand.
I have pleaded so much I think God is tired of hearing me cry,
If I told you I still have kept my faith, it would be a lie.
The tools I needed to succeed He took away,
Get over it, life goes on is what my peers say.
Well if that’s the case through this pen I give you my life,
Happiness cheated on me so pain has become my awfully wedded wife.

Dedication

I want to dedicate this to the people who don’t feel compete,
I’m talking to you even though we may never meet.
For those of you who lost a loved one,
Hold your head, and know they are in the hands of God’s son.
For those of you who cant seem to find love,
You always got the man above.
For those of you who can’t seem to find their way,
Happiness takes a while, it down not happen in one day.
For those of you who are falling victim of the streets,
Be careful because that is where the committee of death meets.
For those of you who feel neglected from your family,
Acceptance from others cant help you become who you want to be.
For those of you who cant seem to escape the pain,
Remember wherever it rains, the sun always shines again.
For those who lack trust,
Due to one or two bad situations don’t believe all men are unjust.
For the women who have been hurt and gave up on men,
Your God’s greatest creation of course there are going to be a bad batch every now and then.
For the men who are struggling to provide,
I know its hard but somebody needs you…so dig deep and take it stride.
For those of you who cant seem to make it right,
We need you to keep trying, I know you got more fight.
For those of you who feel no one believes in you,
I do because I am the same way, so together we will dream big and make it do what it do.

What If

What if my prayers land on deaf ears,
Should I still cry out hoping that someone hears?
What if my friends become enemies,
Do I begin to believe that men have no boundaries?
What if I am no longer loved by my family,
Do I live alone, escaping from life’s beauty?
What if I don’t turn out as I planed,
Will the inner disappointment be something I can withstand?
What if I cant escape the pain,
What if it becomes impossible for me to maintain?
What if I don’t get what I need,
But what if I succeed?
What if I conquer my fears,
Would that mean I could finally wash away my tears?
What if my dreams came true,
Should I thank the priest for telling what to do?
What if my family grows stronger,
Will I be able to believe in love and not live aloof any longer?
What if I told you that life was a bitter sweet journey,
And that there is a possibility that the journey can get lonely?
Would you still believe you can make it,
Or would you fold under pressure and quit?
What if I told you we all make it if we believe,
And when you believe…greatness is only one of the things you can achieve.
What if I said “what ifs” cause to much doubt,
Just live your life with no regrets…that’s what its all about.

Finding My Way

They say the eyes never lie,
So when looking at me, is it obvious that I’m living to die?
My body gets warm when the cold breeze passes through,
I have come to a fork in my life and I don’t know what to do.
The priest said that God has a plan,
But why is suffering in my plan, unless I don’t understand.
How will I stand on my own,
How will my family love me when I rather be alone?
When will I see the sign from God that I am on the right track,
When will I be able to finally walk forward without looking back?
I don’t mean to complain or be a burden,
Not many things are for sure, but me being lost is for certain.
I feel helpless, I feel I’m just another lost soul,
It feels I was left alone in the cold.
The pain shifts from hurt to indecisive decision making,
Which is the product of no guidance, and as a result I just begin taking.
Taking upon a life that is not for me,
A life that will turn me into something I did not plan to be..
I need to find my way fast,
Living this indecisive life will turn the present into my past.
I need to find my way,
I will sacrifice it all, just don’t let me live in dismay. .

Letter to God

Lord, this is not a prayer, I just wanted to get some things off my chest,
They say you bless us daily but why is it that sometimes I don’t feel so blessed?
When you took my parents I felt you abandoned me,
I could not understand why them and not me,
You know I talk to you daily and ask for help and forgiveness,
Yet sometimes I feel my pleas land on deaf ears like its none of your business.
You know those times when I get angry at you?
I feel no sense of direction. I mean what am I suppose to do?
Why do you think I have lasted this long without them?,
When my mind and soul are in complete mayhem.
I don’t want to seem ungrateful,
I just don’t want to be the lone lost angel.
My family is so far away that it seems impossible for them to love a stranger,
Which make the comfort for being alone greater.
I cant seem to shake this pain,
Even in the sunny days I seem to only feel the rain.
I pray to you every night, but would you say I believe,
Or maybe I have this life wrong, maybe I was deceived?
What do you actually want from me,
I know you have a plan but in the process I fee like I’m failing it slowly.
A direction to go or a sign is what I need,
A sign in the direction where I can make it to peace.
Sincerely Yours,
Ian…
P.S. Hopefully when its my time I can one day walk through heaven’s doors.

One Wish

Are we living to die?,
What is loving someone if they only live in the sky?
I’m sorry momma I have not held my head like you told me to do,
Now my love for hate has grew.
Daddy forgive me for being weak as a man,
Its hard without you here lending me a hand.
I am blind to the happy days,
I’m getting accustomed to life’s painful ways.
I feel the need to vent so I confess my sins to the priest,
Hoping he can talk to God for me to make the pain cease. .
The skeletons in my closet are eager to come to light,
And my past stumbles prevent me from trying to fight.
The blind don’t have to see the grief and the pain,
The deaf don’t have to hear the lies and the rain.
They say a man must go through struggle to get to progress,
Yet here in pain’s world the only thing I seem to gain is stress.
My knees are losing feeling from so much prayer,
Sometimes all I need is a hug or someone to tell me they care.
My temper gets shorter due to the lack of success,
Beginning to believe that my best is not as good as the rest.
Therefore Lord I ask, or better yet wish,
That before my soul is called please deliver me from anguish.

Opposite Creed

The dark thoughts light up my path,
The smile of my enemy ignites my wrath.
The sun reminds me of the rain,
The happy days don’t exist if there is no pain.
The disloyal men in my circle help form my shape,
While the loyal men are trapped inside and there is no escape,
The love from my deceased mother hurts,
The healing process takes a while according to experts.
The strength and knowledge my late father taught,
Will eventually kick in and save me from being distraught.
The path I choose will split into two,
The choice of which road to take will be the issue.
The prayer I say before I sin,
Is the same one that makes me cold within.
The faith that I believe in condemns my soul,
The order and rules I abide by gets me out of control.
The people who loved me for the wrong reasons,
Are the same people who changed up like the seasons.
The ideas of death bring me to life,
The progress from preparation hint at strife.
The concept of failure motivates me,
And the ugly death of loved ones help me see life’s beauty.
The place that I hope to fly to from his hell,
Is the same place where my two favorite angels dwell.