Familiar Stranger

Afraid to face the pain because when we clash it always seems to win,
I'm a Christian whose life is addicted to sin.
I'm constantly running from the black cloud,
I cant hear myself pray because the whispers in my head are getting too loud.
The thought of death lingers in my mind,
Because my nightmares are the norm, is it a sign I'm running out of time?
Lost loved ones has me curled up in this corner all alone,
I sit here exposing all my inner demons on paper before I'm gone.
My painful present and my dim future are haunted by my dark past,
Wondering if the relationship with God can withstand the test of time or will it fade fast.
As time ticks, I run faster away from what’s suppose to be my destiny,
How can I face and explain myself to the people I call my family.
I point life's gun to my head loaded with bullets of pain,
And I pull the trigger to a mind that no longer can maintain.
Since I don't have tears, I write my feelings down so my words cry,
Read closely and you will see my words will be my last goodbye.
Staring at the white walls blocks out the vision of my grave,
I hope my lack of faith will be something God forgave.
On my knees eyes full of failure and heart full of anger,
Will he hear my prayer for help or will he become a well known stranger?