Painful Numbness

Contemplating on writing a letter to God,
Asking why at times his presence seems to be a façade.
Envying those who love and siding with those who hate,
My dark twisted mind ends up choosing the wrong fate.
Unfamiliar with the idea of love and friendship,
I rather you take heed to my words and ignore my lack of companionship.
Feared by those close to me due to my instability,
Although a vacant heart, I lack serenity.
Don’t want your advice or thoughts on how I should feel,
Cut by love, shot my infatuation, my wounds will never heal.
Tossing and turning at night prevents me from dreaming,
No longer mommy’s little angel, life has turned e into heavens demon.
Ignored and neglected when I stated my case,
Knock before you come in, because there are more than just skeletons in my place.
Would ask for forgiveness among you I may have rubbed the wrong way,
But apologizes are overvalued, and judgmental people have no right way.
I may not be a great role model for you son and daughter,
But I’m a great model of a son who idolized and cherished his mother and father.
Cold blood they were taken while warm hearts cried their goodbyes,
But goodbyes are overrated when you intentions are lies.