Talking to Yourself

Dealing with paranoia causes the mind to wander,
If your life feels like it's breaking down what thoughts will you ponder?
The priest always says God saves all,
But when He doesn’t answer fast enough, who do you call?
You sit alone at night clutching pillows thinking about how and why,
Death runs by your mind but your not quite ready to say goodbye.
Being judged by your peers makes you feel uneasy,
But they don't understand that what your going through is not easy.
You cry in the shower late at night to prevent from showing everyone your pain,
Yet it's getting harder and harder to hide your grief and maintain.
Days go by and you continue to get on your knees and pray,
All the while the anguish builds and your faith dwindles day by day.
Never one to fold during tough times,
Although now folding seems like the only thought in your mind.
Your loved ones seem to become more and more distant,
Not knowing the reason, you blame yourself and reject the thought of some assistance.
Trying to remember the days when things were good,
Holding on to those are crucial but only if you could hold on a little tighter you would.
Neglecting advice from those who are close to you,
Going against the grain doing what they said not to do.
So you wish upon a star for peace amongst insanity,
Blinded by the misery, you hope your wish grows eyes so you can finally see.
Confused on the difference between your nightmares and reality,
When staring at the sky, you ask... "are you proud of me"?